i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
