so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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