i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
