I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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