I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I look better un-naked...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
