if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
