It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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