guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
