every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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