talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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