ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
