dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
