Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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