Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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