just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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