I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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