I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
