He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
