You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
