it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
