I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You are the jesus of drinking
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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