Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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