you have to choose: penises or morals?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
