whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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