so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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