Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
