No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
