Dual....:-)
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
