best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
