It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
