Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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