when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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