meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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