let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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