Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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