I met the friendliest cop last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She told me I should be a condom model.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
