yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
