I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
