she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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