Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
