I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
