saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
