definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
