EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
