then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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