bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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