worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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