508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
