the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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