why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
