You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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