It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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