i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
