every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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